Thursday, September 3, 2015

An Open Letter to Matt from Dinosaur Dracula

Dear Matt,

I've been a Halloween junkie since, I dunno, birth.

I included the party hat because Halloween was way more exciting than my birthday!
For the last decade, your countdown has been an integral part of the season for me.

The topics are interesting -- even when you're discussing a 25-year-old can of Chef Boyardee pasta -- because your writing is smart, hilarious and endearingly honest. I'm also digging The Purple Stuff Podcast! I listened to three episodes this morning as I walked through Pittsburgh's Allegheny Cemetery, which is famous for being the final resting place of the world's biggest "Jaws" fan:

"You're gonna need a bigger plot."
What would All Hallow's Eve be without Dinosaur Dracula's Madd Matt and Larry the Skinned Torso Prop?

That is why I made this:
Not life/death-size
Because I am the demented love-child of Martha Stewart and Dr. Frankenstein, I spend my free time in the basement crafting horror-themed clothespin ornaments (GOREnaments? HORRORnaments?).

I've got the usual suspects ...

Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Pinhead, Chucky, Leatherface, Michael Myers
... various forms of Tim Curry ...

Sweet TransvestITe
... Captain Quint (because I'm actually the biggest "Jaws" fan) ...

He's got ... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a (clothespin) doll's eye.
... monster-ish types

Teen Wolf, Beetlejuice, The Toxic Avenger, Vigo the Carpathian, Elvira, Michael Jackson "Thriller" Zombie
... and random pop culture characters that I love ...

Twins, ALF, The Golden Girls
Madd Matt fits right in at this house.

Thank you for keeping the Halloween spirit alive inside a 36-year-old, suburban mother who has insomnia, a drinking problem, too many toys and questionable hobbies! Please don't ever stop the countdown! The late nights, arthritic fingers, stiff joints and exasperated eye-rolls from Target cashiers who wonder why anyone would buy $75 worth of fucking Boo Berry ... it's all worth it because you make people happy!

I hope Dinosaur Dracula NEVER goes extinct!

Kristy Locklin


Jace Bandalin said...

Beautifully put! I agree wholeheartedly, I'm new to Dino Drac, just a couple of years, but already Matt's work has become one of my favorite parts of the internet. And by the way your figures are FREAKING INCREDIBLE!!!!!

Stay-at-Home Mombie said...

Thank you! I needed that encouragement as I sit here painting a Blacula clothespin while staring out the window watching people enjoy a beautiful, sunny day.