Thursday, May 28, 2015

S(Hark!) The Herald Angels Sing ... it's almost Shark Week!

Shark Week 2015 starts on July 5! To celebrate, I modified Green Day's song "Longview" and turned it into a four-minute rocker that would make Jabberjaw and The Neptunes proud!

If you'd like to sing along, here's a link to the instrumental version (unfortunately, I could only find an 8-bit rendition, but, whatever, you get the idea):


I sit around and watch the tube ‘cause "Shark Week’s" on.
Won’t flip the channel so stop asking me to.
I know it hasn’t changed a bit.
Twenty years of the same ‘ol shit.
But when that Great White gets some air it’s fuckin’ awesome!

There’s a fin! Can’t close my eyes!
Poor seal’s about to lose its life!
Slow-motion shots,  blowin’ my mind!
Discovery’s the shit!

You may need an ambulance, but I ain’t movin’.
Here’s a phone, go call one by yourself.
“Jaws” won’t come to an end ‘til three, so just enjoy the flick and bleed.
It’s hard to hear Quint’s monologue
Over your damn screams

Shark eats Quint! I want to cry!
That’s one hell of a way to die!
Hooper’s gone! Orca’s capsized!
Now it’s just Brody!

I have a fas-cin-a-tion
With shark doc-u-men-ta-tion!
No time for an occ-u-pa-tion!
Shirkin’ my obli-ga-tion!

I sit around, ignore my phone. The boss is callin'.
Says I’m pathetic, says I have no will.
Tells me I’m gonna lose my job and turn into a big, fat slob
When Shark Week shows are said and done
I’ll be fuckin’ lonely!

Oh my God! What if he’s right?!
I’ll just watch one more film tonight.
"Blue Demon’s" on! I’ve seen it twice!
Guess cheesiness has to suffice.
You should know, it isn’t wise to go scuba divin’ in paradise!
A nose-punch won’t save your hide
‘Cause that’s just a myth!

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