Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Shake It, ALF!

Imagine if Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" was reimagined by ALF!
 

 
I’m an alien!
Got fur and not green skin!
My spaceship is crashin'! Mmm-mmm
My spaceship is crashin'! Mmm-mmm
 
 I came here from Melmac! (Ha! I kill me!)
But this is no attack!
Just want a kitty for a snack! MMM-MMM!
A kitty for a snack! MMM-MMM!
 
 But I stay hidden
In the Tanners’ kitchen
Some would call it prison,
 but I don't mind since it whets my appetite!
 
'Cuz the Tanners gonna feed, feed, feed, feed, feed!
Give me everything I need, need, need, need, need!
Long as Lucky doesn’t bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed!
Shake it, ALF! Shake it, ALF!
Ochmoneks gonna creep, creep, creep, creep, creep!
Lookin' in the windows, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep!
If they see me Willie's in deep, deep, deep, deep, deep!
Shake it, ALF!  Shake it, ALF!
 
I never miss a meal!
Eight stomachs, that’s for real!
I fill each one with zeal! Mmm-mmm
Fill each one with zeal! Mmm-mmm
Gordon Shumway is my name!
Bouillabaseball is my game!
We use fish 'cuz balls are lame! Mmm-mmm.
Use fish cuz balls are lame! Mmm-mmm.
 
But I keep on tryin'. 
 Ham radio is dyin'.
Sometimes you’ll see me cryin'
into my mic, “Help me, Rhoda! I'm alone tonight!”   
 
 But the Tanners gonna feed, feed, feed, feed, feed!
Give me everything I need, need, need, need, need!
Long as Lucky doesn’t bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed!
Shake it, ALF! Shake it, ALF!
Odmoneks gonna creep, creep, creep, creep, creep!
Lookin' in the windows, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep!
If they see me Willie’s in deep, deep, deep, deep, deep
Shake it, ALF!  Shake it, ALF!
 
 Hey, hey, hey … Rhonda!
Just think,
while you’ve been going down and out with Skip
and the dirty, dirty cheats of our world,
you could’ve been getting down with
THIS.
SICK.
BEAST!
 
My friend Brian bought a new kitten
I’m like, “Oh my God! I’m just gonna shake
a little pepper on here, pat of butter right there
Why don’t you come on over, baby?
We can bake, bake, bake …”
 
(MEOOOOOOW)
 
 Cuz the Tanners gonna feed, feed, feed, feed, feed!
Give me everything I need, need, need, need, need!
This pussy's 'bout to bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed!
Shake it, ALF! Shake it, ALF!
Odmoneks gonna creep, creep, creep, creep, creep!
Lookin' in the windows, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep!
If they see me Willie's in deep, deep, deep, deep, deep!
Shake it, ALF!  Shake it, ALF!
 
In the days leading up to Christmas, most people are busy shopping, tying up loose ends at work, planning holiday parties and making New Year's resolutions. Me? I like to write song parodies about Melmacians. Weird Al is probably doing the same thing! Don't judge!

Admit it. You like Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off". Hell, even if you don't like it, you've absentmindedly tapped your toe to it while it was blaring inside of Starbucks last week. I did! It's catchy!

My daughter adores this tune and belts it out all the time, only she says "Shake it, ALF!" because, well, she's 5 and lives with me.


I'm not sure why I'm still so hung up on Gordon Shumway.

Maybe it's because I played him in a 2nd grade recital that was based on popular TV shows. (It was 1987. I'm lucky I didn't get stuck playing Charles in Charge!)

Maybe it's because two Melmacians were present at my First Holy Communion.


Or maybe it's because that crazy Alien Life Form is just so damn charming!


All I know is it's high time for an ALF comeback!


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